forever and never and never

you meet some people and you have fun
but after a while those people start to hurt you
but you say"who cares?relationships hurt anyways" and you try to ignore the pain
but there comes a point where the pain becomes too much and you cant conceal it anymore,you cant pretend that everything is fine
and then ypu realise what was going wrong from the begging:the amount of love is not mutual.not at all.and you always thought it was,you thought it was going to last forever but then you realise youre just a passing stranger who might not even leave an impact afterwards.
and then you scream"WHAT THE HELL?FUCK YOU!"and you realise that your need for dignity and less pain and scars beats love,and that hey,you will definitely find people who will love you as much as you love them.
and you end the relationship.
and you kinda hate yourself for staying in it for so long because it was so,SO obvious that it all was an awfull waste of time.
but the memories still haunt you.and you reminisce the times you had fun.
you wonder,what if i was the one that couldnt accept the love i was given?
what if i was the problem,what if we could just keep being friends and have fun,and what if i could bear the pain?
and then you remember the pain and you realise that some things even though they seem like they could last forever,they dont.they end.just because they were probably never meant to last.

i like to think that some things last forever,that some memories stay and bring tears after years.
no.
i have always been the one who loved too much,i have always been the one who thought that forever and ever and ever exists.
i have always been the one who swallowed the pain and said"ill last,one more day,one more week,even a month"
but the pain sometimes swallows me,no,devours me,and i get lost in it,and i cry and i hate myself and then i hate everyone else.

i dont know whether you''ll become a bitter or a sweet memory,
but i promise that you''ll become a memory.
because i fuckin deserve more love and less pain.
and because i honestly believe that you deserve as much pain as you can get.
from whoever gives it to you.
because i once loved you,but you never got it.
because i once cried for days,but i never told you.

because we werent meant to be.
so go to hell :)
seriously.