every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore.

i know i've said before a thousand times that im gonna change,that im gonna get over my bad habits(HE is one of them),that im gonna become one of those people i admire but in my own way,and that i will love myself more than all my friends and family do but this time i feel like im getting closer to all of these.
its gonna be tough,changing all those things that make me wrong in my eyes and in other people's eyes,but im getting there,one step at a time.
the trick is to be strong when it comes to a rejection.
the trick is not to say that youre not worth it,that it was your fault.
i tried not to blame myself this time and it worked,so i guess this is something,right?
plus,this time i realised how helpfull everyone can be!
i never expected that if i talked about it it would go away...
it didnt in the past,but this time even though there were no hopes on the horizon and even though i expected from everyone to tell me the cliche"there are plenty of fish in the sea"which actually would make me feel worse,they didnt.
they handled the whole thing with extra delicacy and they made me feel proud about my choice.
they made me realised that yes,its gonna hurt and yes,its gonna be awkward but it will go away,and i will stp making circles.
i will be free from this obsessive,sick thing that lived inside my head-and heart-for such a long time.
i will be redeemed.
and truth is,i've already started realising that.
i FEEL redeemed.
i FEEL something new.
i FEEL different.
and it was worth it.
plus,i've realised how usefull older people can be in terms of giving pieces of advice
i cant deny that i still like him,like,a lot and that my mum  makes this getting-over-him process more difficult because she keeps telling me that"if i am willing to do what she tells me,im gonna get him"  but i dont know.i really need to believe right now that every single trace of hope has vanished.
cause its better like this.
im bored,oh SO BORED of running in circles,around him.

the title of this song is from this incredibly gret song.the lyrics are the story of my life.

every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something they can't diagnose,
don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
'cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.

the day i became an adult.

there is a moment in our lives when we feel that we've grown up,that we've passed to an other stage.
for me,the first time that i realised im growing up was when i saw boobs on my chest.
after that,i started getting more and more concious of it while beeing around babies and children and when i realised that one day everyone is gonna die.
But beeing an adult?oh,i've never thought before of me as an adult,i never felt like one.
Until today.

In 3 months,a lot of days and a couple of hours i'll be,legally,an adult.
But today was the day i really became one.
For some people,what made me realise it will seem too funny and too ridicoulous,but for me,what i did opened a new chapter in my life,made me a different person,a better one.

i really dont know whether it was the right thing to do and whether i did it the right way.
however,all i know is that in 3 months i would laugh at people saying that i "just" became an adult,cause i will know i'd already become one.

 Oh, someday...

No, I ain't wastin' no more time

And now my fears
They come to me in threes
So, I
Sometimes
Say, "Fate my friend,
You say the strangest things
I find, sometimes"

you told me bullshit.

how long has it been?a year?
i can hardly believe that a week has passed...
time flows so quickly,and im wasting my time on people i shouldnt.
and im ashamed.
how can i have the ability to chose those perfectly wrong people everytime?its like a selfdistructive instinct leading my way..
plus,why do i always have weird relationships with them?
no real feelings,no real words.
the only real thing seems to be confusion.
please,tell me why do you act like im a stranger to you?
you told me you trusted me,remember?
twice.
you told me that you honestly found me exceptional.
you told me that i deserve a nicer guy from those i told you that i liked.
you told me so many things,we spent so many hours talking.
tell me,why do you act like all those things never happenned?
why do you have to be so complicated?WHY?

sick.

i didnt even want to write this post,i just wanted to get rid of this voice in my head yelling those things,reapiting them over and over and over again.
i wrote this to say im sick.
SICK SICK SICK SICK of you.
sick of us.
sick of what we have and what we dont.
sick of this place.
sick of those events that keep repeating themselves.
i never really thought that i could feel so disgusted by you.
i didnt care that much about you,i swear!
i didnt even love you.
but this thing you keep doing to me is killing me.
i will not play your games anymore,nor hers.
we are over.
this thing we had,whatever that was,is over.
and im not going to apologize cause i know it is partly my fault,but i also know that its your fault too.
you are not gonna miss me,trust me.
now go and fuck her,get your prize.
you won her after all.
you are the winner and i am the loser,remember?