Georgie

what do i really want?
wish i new.
right now i need a georgie.my georgie,who will make my world stop,and i will hope that i'll make his word stop  too.
i really want my mc dreamy.
i know that he may be married but at least he would love me,and i would love him back.
this?this is not even close to what i want.
i dont regret for telling him,really
oh i may regret the fact that right now we're acting like we're strangers but werent we acting like that even before i told him?
i guess that now at least,we have a reason to act like this.
and lets look at the bright side:at least now i have something to run away from,at least now i know where not to go.
maybe you cant find what you really want if you dont find what you really dont want first.
maybe by crossing out options,one day you get at the bottom of your list,you look at the last option  left and then it hits you,that THIS is what you want,that THIS is what you ever wanted and that you were too blind and too naive to realise it before.
its tragic in a way,i guess.
cause when you find what you want from your life,then you have to pursue it,to try to get it.
and when you thought that all the thought and the trying had stopped,here you go again,you find yourself trying and trying and trying.
So whats wrong with people?why is everybody trying so hard for something that they might not ever even get?
maybe we're made that way.we're made to try and set goals and plan our lives in our heads and then try to make those plans a reality.
but what if i cant do that? what if i cant aim somewhere?what if the biggest plan i can make is a plan for the next weekend?do i have to pretend i have a plan until i believe it myself?
maybe im just confused by watching a greys anatomy season in a day,maybe im made this way and maybe ill never fit in this society that wants people to plan their lives,to make decisions with certainty in such an uncertain world.
all i know is that i am gonna try to fit in and discover whatever there is to discover about me and my future.
because i have to.
and even though im a romantic person,im also a person who ll admit that living requires compromises.
so i will try to fit in
and just wait until i meet my georgie.
and i promise,im not gonna hurt you,georgie.im gonna be honest with you and i will love you no matter what.
and thats my plan.for the future.
evem if finding my georgie means that i will have to be rejected by  a bunch of other georgies first,i dont care.
because as i said,one day i will find my georgie,i'll look back and i will realise that all the trying and the rejections and the tears and the pain was worth it.
thats my plan.